Awareness

What does awareness mean to you? I’m sure each of you has your own definition based on your reality or experiences. Awareness, I see as a part of consciousness, or being awake. You can take that many ways as well, perhaps it means not asleep or sedated, being aware of your surroundings, your own existence or a bigger part of the energy that supports the entire universe. It means so many things, possibly complex, perhaps very simple. It’s something I’ve been reflecting upon while on my break from blogging and chatter (interesting word, yes? That’s because I find this chattering in my head is going away and a welcome silence is replacing it). You didn’t really believe I could be quiet for long, did you? Actually, I can, but I briefly want to share some of what I’ve experienced this week.

I woke one day many years ago, looked in the mirror and I saw reality so clearly. I announced aloud, “Oh my God, my life is Groundhog Day”. This is in reference to the Movie by the same name, where the character played by Bill Murray wakes up every day (Groundhog Day) and repeats the day over and over, until he finally makes a conscious effort to change how he experiences the same day. This brings about awareness, and the dawn of a new day. It’s really a light-hearted, perhaps some would say mindless movie of no great depth, but I believe it speaks very deeply of the opportunity we have to make conscious, aware choices every minute of every day. How many of us go through our day, week or life on auto pilot, performing the same tasks at the same time in the same order each day? We drive to where we have to go forgetting how we got there, perform our daily tasks with no awareness and crash into bed at night, completely exhausted and wondering how the day passed so quickly. Do we take the time to show gratitude, to offer thanks, to be aware of all that transpired today? I know I didn’t.

I’ve taken a new approach this week to my daily experience. In as many ways as I possibly can I have deliberately been changing the order in which I do things, what I do and how I do it. This has raised a level of awareness that did not exist before. I have to be attentive to everything I’m doing and consciously choose how and when I do it. Of course it isn’t possible to change many things; school busses arrive at a certain time and the other “kids” have a certain schedule I must follow but there are many things I can and have changed. One of the things I’ve been especially aware of is the impact every single person I come in contact with has on me. From a sales person at the store and the stranger I pass in the parking lot to my family, friends, children and even the author of the books I am reading. I’m also aware of the “things” I encounter.

One of the changes I’ve made as of yesterday was making the choice to start driving my girls to their programs rather than have the van pick them up. It makes me feel safer for numerous reasons that aren’t important here. I was forty-five minutes late dropping them off but managed to be on schedule to pick them up. As I pulled into the driveway at home I pushed the switch that opens the door and automatically lowers the wheelchair lift. All went well, but after getting the girls out I hit the switch to retract the lift and shut the door but it did not work. This was a moment of awareness or was it unawareness? The lift is done by a power switch and to my knowledge there is no way to manually operate it. After what I felt was too many attempts to get the lift back into position and shut the door I finally had to call my husband for suggestions. He was in the area and was able to come home and fix it so the battery would not die from the interior light remaining on. He “fixed” it by pushing the switch and watching it suck the lift into the van and shut the door!  I did that already, really!!! About a hundred times!!!

My typical response would be to worry about whether or not it was going to happen again today, perhaps somewhere else which would not be as convenient as my driveway. I have to say I am a little concerned and am making an appointment to have it tuned up, but I am choosing not to worry. I can’t change what happened and I can’t control what is going to happen. I am grateful it happened because it raised my awareness, and gave me the opportunity to have it looked at, examine my response or reaction, and choose to see it however I wanted to see it. Is there a lesson in that experience? I believe there is, but I’m not sure I know for certain what it is. It could be as simple as getting the lift tuned up or to check my reaction or another yet to known awareness.

I’ve already begun to feel more love and appreciation, and wake up and go to bed each day with true gratitude. Changing things up has made me more conscious and aware. I am forced to think about each thing I do, choose what to do and how I respond to the experience. I am more aware and grateful each day for my children and all the lessons they teach me, and awareness they bring to my purpose on earth as well as their own purpose. I have become more aware that life is not random but a purposeful opportunity to make choices in every moment. I’m enjoying contemplating the assumptions Colin C. Tipping makes in his book Radical Forgiveness. He devotes a short chapter to these and I would not do them justice by listing all of them but two of my favorites are: 1) we get precisely what we need in our lives for our spiritual growth. How we judge what we actually get determines whether we experience life as either painful or joyful, and 2) through relationships we grow and learn, heal and are returned to wholeness and truth. So here’s to learning, growing, healing and experiencing life as joyful!

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi

Blessing, Pam