Special Moms

I published this poem previously but on a different forum which has been removed, so I’m reposting here on my blog. This is written for all the parents and caregivers out there raising children with special needs. I wrote it from my own perspective as a mother, but I want to recognize that in our generation there are both moms and dads equally sharing the joys and challenges of parenting. Many fathers have also taken on the role of primary caregiver and this goes out to them as well. 

I also wrote it with other women and moms in mind who don’t understand what it’s like to be one of “those” moms. I mean that light-heartedly because I’ve found we have much to learn from each other, and we’re more alike than different. We’re women, we’re moms, and we all need the same things, and we need each other. Girl friends mean the world to us. I know I need friends that “get it” as well as those who don’t. Both have something special to offer in unique ways.

 

 

Special Moms

 

The weekend is upon us, everyone’s ready to play,

They ask for your plans, you don’t know what to say,

Some are leaving town for a weekend away,

Many look forward to sleeping late every day.

 

You want to seem normal and add to the chatter,

But you know that the weekend does not really matter.

Your weekend resembles the other days of the week,

Sleeping in is something of which you don’t speak.

 

Do you dare ask for help from family or friend?

Will the agency have a reliable stranger to send?

You know you can make it; you’ve done it before,

The days will be filled with children and much more.

 

You’re a woman, a daughter or sister or wife,

Maybe single or divorced at this time in your life.

But a mother defines you every day of the week,

For your child is special and very unique.

 

You know what is best for them in every way,

Their care and needs in your hands every day.

You love them more than words can define,

But you wonder if you’ll have any free time.

 

How do you care for yourself and your special needs?

You reach for inspiration to plant uplifting seeds,

In your mind these things make you feel empowered,

So others won’t think of you as a hopeless coward.

 

You seek support from mothers who have special kids,

When your child has a seizure they don’t flip their lids.

It’s a comfort to know someone is there to uphold you,

When you’re feeling alone, forgotten, defeated or blue.

 

Old friends have stopped calling or coming around,

You miss all the good times but it’s a new life you have found.

You wish that they understood you need what they need,

Just a friend, a phone call, or a good book to read.

 

A cup of coffee or tea, a night with the girls,

Your hair fixed up with those long lost curls,

A dinner or dance, just a laugh or a beer,

A movie that makes you shed a small tear.

 

You’re a woman, a mother, a daughter, a friend,

An advocate for your child, who will fight to the end,

You’ve counted your blessings; you know who you are,

For your child you wish upon every shooting star.

 

Stand up and be proud of all that you’ve done,

It has been exhausting, ongoing and not always fun,

But you’ve done a great job, you know that for sure

With your unending love which will always endure.

 

Kiss your child good night and hug them once again,

Know what a difference you’ve made as hard as it’s been.

Remember tomorrow when the new day is about to start,

You’re a mother who loves from deep down in your heart.

 

Hugs to all the special parents!

~Pam Blackburn (just trying to express)

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Groundhog Day–Again

Sorry about the last post I sent in error.

This is a reblog from last year’s Groundhog Day, because they always return….

It’s Groundhog Day which is a day that has significance to me. In the classic movie, Groundhog Day, the main character wakes up to report if the groundhog sees his shadow; however for him every new day turns out to be Groundhog Day over again. He becomes stuck in a seemingly endless loop.  As the character in the movie becomes increasingly aware of his ability to change how this same day turns out his life finally begins to change for the better. As I’ve written many times I often refer to my life as Groundhog Day, in reference to the movie. When Ron and I spoke to prospective adoptive parent groups we often used this reference to help them understand what they would be undertaking if they chose to adopt a child with special needs. Admittedly, it drove some folks away, but the instructors never discouraged us from speaking the truth. Better to recognize now that you weren’t able to take on the challenge than later when a child was in your full-time care. We also learned how to make each day a new day, embrace and enjoy it even though it may appear the  same as the day before.

The significance of Groundhog Day in the traditional sense is whether or not the groundhog sees his shadow as he crawls out of his hole in the early morning hours. If he sees his shadow, winter, it is assumed, will continue for six more weeks. We tend to think of winter as cold, dark and an imprisonment of sorts. It keeps us locked inside, unable to enjoy all the light, warm, bright sunny days that surely lie ahead in spring and summer. I’d like to offer an analogy of winter and its cold darkness to that of our own shadow; that deep, dark secret place we try to conceal and hope no one sees. It is the part of us we deny, pretend doesn’t exist,  hide, and know we can soon put behind us as the light is sure to shine again and bury the shadows within. When you woke up today did you see your shadow? Did you recognize it, acknowledge it and embrace it as part of your “whole” self? There is a common thought in our world today that we must only embrace the light, not give attention to the dark side that exists within us or it will grow. I believe in order to heal and fully live in the light we must first embrace and fully experience the darkness.

Debbie Ford, one of the authors of The Shadow Effect, states, “Our shadows hold the essence of who we are. They hold our most treasured gifts. By facing these aspects of ourselves, we become free to experience our glorious totality: the good and the bad, the dark and the light. It is by embracing all of who we are that we earn the freedom to choose what we do in this world. As long as we keep hiding, masquerading, and projecting [the negative messages we hide] inside us, we have no freedom to be and no freedom to choose.”

The movie, Groundhog Day shows us that we have the power to change our outlook and if you are feeling trapped, stuck and drained making a few changes can help us witness the change that is possible within each of us. But it also shows us the main character’s shadow, his dark side, the side we hope he soon identifies. It is only after he recognizes it himself, embraces it, sees how it’s effected his day after (same) day experiences that he is able to see the light, make conscious choices to change and experience life to its fullest. Today, I challenge you to look for your own shadow along with the groundhog. Will it be six more weeks of dark days ahead for you? Are you willing to embrace your shadows as part of your whole being, experience them fully and stop hiding in a dark hole, but come out to show the world your true self? You have the power to choose, to change, to shine your light, and the right to love every part of yourself.

Shine on! (Just Trying to Express)

The wake-up scenes from the movie borrowed from a youtube video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyBSrBqogPY&feature=related